Weary as the Sun [poem]

If my life passed by me

I would let it go.

Few glorious sights I’ve seen,

but many great imaginings.

I’ve not lived my life well

and perhaps it is empty

with my unfilled dreams

that faded into silence.

When the challenge is set before me

what will I really choose?

Many beautiful memories I have,

of dreams and summers,

dawns and evenings,

of rain and sunlight.

I have not yet slept under the stars

in the protection of the moon.

I’ve never ran wild,

always one foot on the ground.

I’ve crossed the ocean

from west to east and back again,

yet I’ve never seen the waves.

I think I know how to love,

but I’ve never had the chance.

Never felt the arms around me,

telling me it’s all right.

I’ve seen the lights, so bright,

I’ve seen the crackling fire

I’ve heard the laughter

and felt the bliss.

But it’s an ocean away

and I long to return to it.

It’s all rather dark now, quiet,

as the lights have faded long ago.

I’ve felt a beauty inside me,

a beauty that was not mine to keep.

The glimmering words were not for me,

I still tried to capture the light.

I’ve laughed without humour,

smiled without feeling.

I’ve been alone in different crowds,

I’m looking in from the outside.

I’ve never been skating on the lake,

have never been along the waters of Venice.

Never quite felt alive

when I am so far away.

And where will this end

I do not wish to know anymore.

I’m just so tired

and let me sleep until dawn

without losing so much time.

I feel as weary as the sun

though I am still young,

with a chance to live

I do not know where to go.

But the sun is so much older,

has seen so much more than me.

And yet she still stands,

her golden rays dancing where they may.

I wish someday

I will be as beautiful as she.

Darkness [poem]

 

Living in the past now,

but I’m not looking back.

Not looking anywhere, in fact,

only frozen in time.

Waking up now,

but there is no color.

I live in a world

that’s in shades of grey

but maybe it’s all I deserve.

No feeling

no tears

just the emptiness.

No words

no song

only the fading memory.

Cutting me deeper

sharper

but I just ignore it.

Shining stronger

brighter

but it is not alive.

I’m living in my own world

in shades of grey.

There’s no one here

now

only ghosts with voices.

There’s no pain

now

just emptiness

like darkness

that swallows me

bit by bit

taking parts of me with it.

Not anger

or sadness

not alive

like pain.

It’s both

but it’s neither

it’s something words can’t describe.

Time cannot heal it

time cannot penetrate through.

Time cannot heal it

time cannot...

Only sorrow can mend

it

Because sorrow is real

sorrow is

alive.

Strangely Beautiful

The sky was like a brilliant diamond floating above the forest, shining azure, and gleaming down. The waters of the earth reflected its beauty, its ripples sending out swirls of aquamarine that were their own unique impersonation of the sky.

Rays of sunlight danced down from the heavens and twirled around on the ground, lighting everything in a warm, golden glow. There were trees in the forest, many acres of them, lush and green and wonderful. The bending willow trees swept the ground with their long viridescent arms, murmuring amongst themselves, while the oak trees laughed as their leaves fluttered down onto the warm forest floor.

There were magical creatures that lived in that forest. Groups of mischievous vibrant pixies who made the flowers glow and glimmer, beautiful dryads who lived in the forests’ sweet ponds, and birds of brilliant colors that sang the most blissful songs of peace and prosperity. 

Among this beauty of the forest, in one of the small clearings, a maiden sat by one of the ponds. Her long legs and feet dangled in the powder-blue water. Her eyes were of the rarest violets, like an amethyst, and her hair of the lightest gold. Her hair hung in long waves that reached her knees, but today, it was braided and rested gently on her back. Woven carefully in the braid were delicate flowers of magnolias, roses, and lilies. With her bare feet and feathery dress of emerald, anyone could tell she was a creature of the forest. No doubt her court was waiting on her in the foremost clearing of the trees, dancing or singing while they waited.

The girl was gazing up at the sky thoughtfully, her violet eyes bright. At nighttime, when the sun fell, on many warm nights she would come and throw shining silvery-grey pebbles into the shimmering water under the moonlight with her friends. She was rarely alone when she came to this pond. It was a special pond, one with many magnificent stories that she had heard as a child.

A little dragonfly fluttered near her, and the young maiden reached out her hand. It touched her for an instant, before breaking free and flying off into the diamond sky.

The girl smiled, and closed her eyes, breathing in the smell of the trees and grass and cosmos. Then she opened her eyes and stood up. With lithe, light steps, she made her way through the welcoming trees to where she belonged.

The end

A Place by the Sea [poem]

Leave me here,

in this place by the sea.

I don’t want to wake up yet,

I don’t want to go back.

I could stay here with you,

in this place by the sea.

Just let me stay here,

forever and ever.

Don’t want to leave this place,

this place by the sea.

There’s a place by the sea

where the wild berries grow.

And through the garden gates you can run

to the sanctuary of magnolias and roses,

of blossoms and lilacs.

Let me be here a little longer

let me stay here for just a little bit.

Leave me be

in the place of sacred dreams.

The sun’s wise eyes

perceive all that is.

The moon’s glistening eyes

of stars and shine.

The yawning silver waves

of the sea.

Please let me stay here,

don’t take me away.

I’ll stay with you forever

in this place by the sea.

I won’t leave you alone, now,

if you please let me stay.

I don’t want to wake up,

I don’t want to open my eyes yet.

Please, I’m begging you,

let me stay in this place,

this place by the sea.

A Place in the World

The school bell rung, and all the kids poured out of the front door and outside. They all came in groups: the populars, the jocks, the nerds, the emos. Everyone was relieved to be let free into the cool autumn air. The leaves were crisp and the wind blew softly all around them, making the leaves swirl and dance around everyone.

Many of the kids – teenagers – didn’t start their way home yet. Instead, they went out to the field, or hung in groups to gossip and chat.

At last, at the front step of the front door, was a curious young girl. A freshman, no doubt, with a short, slim figure, pale skin, dark hair, and a black hoodie hanging over her face, creating light shadows. No one bothered to look at her, or even acknowledge her presence. She was just always there. Very few took notice anymore. And after a few years, she didn’t care anymore, either.

She was one of the last ones out of the school, but her walk was calm and with a steady pace. She glanced around at all the faces before starting down the steps. She had earphones in, but she knew they didn’t do much good when it came to the talking spirits. She heard things – things that no one else could. Not ghosts, exactly, for she didn’t believe in them. But spirits that came from other worlds. Most of the time they came to watch her, leaving the next day. Some came and helped her. And a few would whisper in her ears dark secrets and words of doubt, all of which she ignored except for the rare moments when she felt compelled to respond.

On this particular day, she had a rather annoying spirit that had followed her around the school. But she didn’t listen. She tried not to.

Walking across the side of the field, she sat down in a swing on the playground for the little kids. The playground was empty, save for the group of cheerleaders who were clustered around, giggling and watching the football players from a safe distance, instead of practicing like they were supposed to. They only spared her a moment’s glance.

The girl was waiting for someone – her friend, who met her on the swings every afternoon.

The spirit chose this moment to speak. You are alone, it whispered like the wind in her ear. Have you no place in this world? It challenged, in a sinister, mocking voice, almost like a snake, dragging out the long vowels.

The girl heard it, but like much else, she didn’t listen. It continued to try and get her attention. Who are you waiting for, silly human? Do you think you have any worth? You don’t belong here. You’re not worth anything. What do you live for everyday, stupid girl?

Finally, the girl turned her head slightly to the side, where the voice seemed to come from. In the corner of her eye, she saw her friend walking down the steps to the school, coming towards her like every day.

“Who are you?” she asked the voice.

The spirit chuckled, as if amused. I am no one. No one at all. You needn’t worry about who I am.

“Impossible,” the girl raised her head and stood up. “You can’t be nobody. Because that’s who I am.”

With that, she felt the spirit leave, forever gone, gone back to the world of spirits, never to return, like so much else.

The end

The Light

The girl looked down at her hands, shaking. She fell to her knees, her breath coming out in short, shallow gasps. Her dark hair fell in front of her face, hiding the teardrops that fell down her porcelain skin. At her knees lay her soul, of which she had broken and shattered to pieces. She felt the emptiness inside her body. It was only made of hollow bones now, with no feeling inside. No life.

What have I done to myself? She wondered, gazing down at the beauty that she had destroyed. The beauty that was once inside of her. It was no longer there.

The dim lights of the empty room – save a table and chair – flickered, and stayed that way, blinking on and off, on and off. The girl knelt there, as outside the sun gave way to the night, as it swallowed everything in its path. She felt as if that darkness was inside of her now, creeping into every part of her.

She closed her eyes, her hands folded in her lap, her head bowed down as if to pray, her soul still lying at her feet. She gave in, and let the impenetrable, eternal darkness fill her. She had nothing left to fight for. She let the pain seep through her bones. Pain was not a feeling, but at least it made her feel alive again. So close. It was so close to being alive.

But as the darkness started reaching towards her heart and mind, she suddenly realized how much she wanted to be her own. How much she owed the world. Did she want to give up now? Will she let herself rest at last, after years of her endless struggle?

In her minds eye, she could see the darkness – like a long, black tunnel, stretching out for miles – but then she saw something else. A glimmer – or was it just a sliver – of light at the end, so far that she could barely make it out. Before she knew it, that light was brighter now, bigger, coming closer and closer. She could see it. Feel it. Until she was right in front of it. The brilliant, luminescent light completely enveloped her, squelching all of the darkness in her.

She slowly opened her eyes. A warm breeze lifted her hair gently and brushed against her cheek. She saw her soul on the ground, so fragile and beautiful, all at once. With the light that now shone inside of her, there, in that empty room of broken hopes and dreams, she picked up her soul with ever so gentle hands of gossamer, and began to put it back together. Ever so slowly, ever so carefully, she began to mend it so that it be hers once more.

The end.

Ballroom of Stars [poem]

“May I have this dance?”

The moon asked,

dressed in her best silver gown.

Her night black hair

tumbling down her gown of starlight.

“We could have this moment,

and sway to and fro,

on our tippity toes.

The stars would laugh,

and the wind will sing for us,

and revel in all the romance.

It’s been so long

since we’ve had this dance.”

The sun, seeing her,

bowed deep and low.

“It would be my honor,”

he says,

with a smile that lit the heavens.

So he took her pale hand,

and twirled her around,

in that ballroom of stars.

They whirled and they flew,

across that ballroom of stars.

The moon, leaning close,

in hope of a kiss.

The sun, seeing her, smiled and thought,

“Perhaps I will grant her wish.”

And so, leaning close,

he touched his lips to hers.

So soft, and the stars laughed,

the moon shone with radiance by the sun.

And so they kept dancing,

in their eternal bliss.

Together once again,

they had been apart too long.

That dance never ended,

that sweet carousel of  luminescence.

Where the moon is there is night,

where the sun is there's day,


dancing the dance they started eons ago.


And that is why night follows day,

and that is why day follows night.

They were separated once,

by a hundred million suns and stars,

but now their dance is everlasting,

it will never end.

I hope you enjoyed this tale that I’ve told,


this tale of darkness and light,

for they continue to dance,

in their eternal bliss,

never apart again.

Dangerous Mind [poem]

I’m writing my story

I’m writing in ink

leaving behind

splatters and imperfections.

I’m writing my story,

painting a picture.

A picture,

a memory,

I paint them with my words.

My words are burning,

they’re catching fire.

I have to try to break free

of the thoughts in my mind.

I have to breathe to see

what lies beyond this dream.

I have to sleep to run away

from the terrors of the night.

But I can’t escape

from the poisoned words of the dawn.

The pages keep turning,

as the days grow long and dark.

I’ll laugh at all the memories we’ve lost.

All these things

that shatter the surface.

I have to breathe to see

what lies beyond this dream.

I have to sleep to run away

from the terrors of the night.

I want to erase

this dark, forbidding picture.

The pictures in my mind

they come alive

and haunt me in my dreams.

The poisoned words I’ve written

drive me mad in my mind.

Time is worthwhile,

I should know.

But how do I hold on to it?

I have to breathe to see

what lies beyond this dream.

I have to sleep to run away

from the terrors of the night.

Have to breathe to see

what lies beyond this dream.

Have to run to break away

from the screams in my mind.

Have to try to believe

that it will be alright.

Wake [poem]

Wake

[Originally written December 10, 2010]

The night is so quiet

But soon I will have to wake.

So much time to think

But so little time to do.

I’m always waiting for the day

Then waiting for tonight

Then waiting for the day that comes

When I will find the light.

Will my life pass by

In such a quick, desperate blur?

I don’t know what to wish for

To slow down, or speed up.

But maybe it doesn’t matter

Because I can’t stop this hourglass.

I’m always waiting for the day

Then waiting for tonight

Then waiting for someone to find me

And break off my chains.

Memories that stir

Are so painstakingly beautiful

But it pains me to think about them

Because I can never go back.

Living in the next day

Hoping for something better

I don’t know when this will stop

Unless I step down from this for good.

Maybe I’ll go rest now

And settle these thoughts for later.

Time is still running,

Time is running out.